


Past loves, past lives

by justmarcialima



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Heart-to-Heart, Light Angst, Past Relationship(s), Yaz has a crush but she doesn't know, post kerblam, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 08:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16677988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justmarcialima/pseuds/justmarcialima
Summary: After the Doctor's speech to Charlie, Yaz started to wonder if the woman had ever been in love.





	Past loves, past lives

**Author's Note:**

> This has spoilers for Kerblam so if you haven't seen it go watch it (the spoilers aren't that big but better save than sorry) 
> 
>  
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos! 
> 
> Enjoy.

After the Kerblam incident, Yaz had been thoughtful all day. They went to visit Dan’s daughter, give back the necklace and offer their condolences. The girl had sobbed into her mother’s shoulder while holding the trinket in her tiny hands. She barely saw her father and now she would never see him again. Yaz felt guilty but she was sure to tell Dan’s daughter that her father was a hero and the only reason she was there was because of him. They left feeling their hearts ache and their spirits feeling heavy. They all took a moment to ponder on the day they had on their own. Yaz closed herself in her room while the others sorted themselves out. The Doctor told them that they could travel anywhere they wanted as soon as they were ready and just let her know. 

As Yaz thought about what had happened she remembered the Doctor’s passionate speech to Charlie. How she told him that “You didn’t expect to fall in love, but that’s exactly what happens.” How it felt like she was talking from personal experience. 

Yaz had no idea about any aspect of the Doctor’s life, none of them did. They knew she was an alien, had two hearts, used to be a Scottish man with angry eyebrows and had lost her family. That was all they knew. Yaz would like to know if she ever was in love. If seemed like she was. With that in mind Yaz left her room and went to find the Doctor, hopefully so she could know more about the intriguing and mysterious woman. 

She found the Doctor on her favorite place, under the console table tinkering away with some wires. Ryan and Graham were nowhere in sight and Yaz thanked the heavens for that. She loved them to death but she was more able to get any responses from the Doctor if they were alone. 

“Doctor?” She approached carefully. “Do you have a minute?” 

“I always have a minute for Yaz.” The woman said excitedly as she crawled from under the console and smiled at the cop, causing the girl to blush lightly. 

“I was just wondering…” Yaz started, now feeling like she didn’t knew how to bring up the subject. 

“Yes, Yaz?” The Doctor egged her on. 

“Your speech to Charlie was quite powerful.” She started and the Doctor sighed. 

“Yeah well, not powerful enough to make him change his mind.” She looked sad for a moment. “I used to be better at powerful speeches it seems.” 

“No, Doctor! Your speech was perfect.” Yaz assured vehemently. “Charlie was just too far gone to be saved. Some people don’t want to be saved and we can’t do anything about it no matter how much we want to.”

“It doesn’t make it less rubbish, though.” 

“Yeah.” Yaz sighed. 

They spent a good minute in a pensive silence before Yaz returned to the previous subject at hand. 

“But after your speech I wanted to ask you something.” She said. “You told Charlie that he didn’t expect to fall in love, but that’s exactly what happens. It got me wondering if this happened to you. It sounded like it did.” 

The Doctor stayed silent for a long time, so long that Yaz started regretting her invasive question. Finally the Doctor sighed deeply and longingly and ran a hand through her hair. 

“I have a tendency to fall in love with women that I wasn’t supposed to.” She replied simply, blushing beautifully and Yaz gasped, surprised that she answered and did not deviate from the subject. “It happens more often that I like. I guess having two hearts makes me a big secret softie.” She giggled nervously, looking down to hide her blush. Yaz didn’t know what to do with the information. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.” Yaz whispered and the Doctor smiled at her. 

“You’re still so so young.” She looked at Yaz with soft eyes. “When you live as long as me you end up collecting some love, most of them in previous lives.” 

“Would you tell me about them?” Yaz asked hopefully. The Doctor smiled sadly. 

“I can tell you about the ones that mattered the most and the ones that hurt the most in consequence.” 

“I don’t want to make you sad, Doctor.” Yaz said as she placed a hand above the Doctor’s on the console. 

“It’s okay, it used to hurt more than it hurts now.” She reassured, turning her hand and squeezing Yaz’s. “There was Rose Tyler. That one sneaked on me, I was in love before I actually noticed.” She smiled. “She was human and brilliant, just like you.” She said making Yaz blush. “That girl had a smile that could light up a galaxy. I would die for her. I did die for her. And I would do it all over again if it meant her safety.” 

“What happened to her?”

The Doctor sighed deeply, taking a moment to blink and clear her eyes from the tears that wanted to fall. “She ended up in an alternative dimension with a human copy of me, well, the Tenth version of me.” Yaz looked at her alarmed. “It’s a long story, maybe another time.” She frowned. “River Song was both my newest, longest and oldest love.” The Doctor smiled. This one still hurt, especially after Darillium. “She’s a time traveller like me, you know, so our timelines are all intertwined but in different directions. The first time I met her was the day she died to stop me from doing something stupid. River is always stopping me from doing something stupid, must be why I married her.” She gave a fond little smile and Yaz felt her brain melting. She would never imagine the Doctor was married. She was about to interrupt with questions when the Doctor started talking again. “That one is hell in heels, the nightmare of a whole universe but the most beautiful dream of mine. There’s no one like her and I swear I can feel my hearts stop beating for a second every time I get a glimpse of blonde curly hair. I miss her. I made our last night together go on for 24 years just because I didn’t want to let go. She’s my soulmate, the love of my life. Everything to me.” 

It felt like the Doctor needed to say that to someone and Yaz was a good listener. The girl felt a little ache in her heart hearing the woman talk about the loves of her life that she did not understand. 

“They sound like they were amazing, Doctor.” She finally said when she could found her voice. 

“They were.” She smiled sadly. Suddenly the Doctor looked tired and much older than she appeared on the outside. “I am very fortunate to have met them. And I’m sure you’ll find someone to love as well, Yaz. When the timing is right.” She smiled at the girl and then changed the subject, jumping up and dropping Yaz’s hand. The girl suddenly felt colder. “So where do you want to go? Future or Past?” 

Yaz sighed. The sharing mood had passed. She gave a smile to the Doctor. “Surprise me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Only put Rose and River because I don't think the Doctor was in love with any of the other companions from the new series.


End file.
